Soap Opera: Uncensored Issue 3 Read online

Nov. 10. I’ll read about it in Soap Digest, thanks. Seems to me like GH is filling their canvas with inexpensive names. Hmmm…. Where have I seen this before?

  —This just in: head writer Garin Wolf (in sheep’s clothing) has still yet to write an original storyline. Good luck with that, buddy!

  —Let the best show win (that ABC is actually behind, that is): Katie Couric, who is taking GH’s timeslot next fall, tells Hello! Canada she has big plans for her new daytime talk show: “I’m very excited! We’re taking a blank canvas and creating something totally new.” Yep, a failure…. if soap fans have anything to say about it.

  Meanwhile, I’m hearing the iconic 54-year-old broadcaster is voicing her concern that Katie may also suffer from viewer backlash like The Chew has endured in recent weeks when her talk show premieres in September 2012. Apparently, she’d prefer it if ABC cancels GH now rather than later. Memo to Katie: you’re still going to experience the wrath of soap fans. However, I’m also hearing that ABC is considering it —especially if it decides it won’t offer the embattled sudser to ABC affiliates in other timeslots next fall. If that’s true, ABC will have to cancel GH at least by April — or sooner — in order for the soap to prepare for its finale on broadcast TV. But don’t worry: it’s been widely reported that ABC also sold the online rights to Prospect Park.

  —Don’t be surprised if Annie Ilonzeh as Maya pops back into Port Chuck now that Charlie’s Angels has been canceled. Count on it, in fact.

  —What is GH thinking with parading a portrait of Genie Francis? Now GH is interested in Laura because Genie Francis is on Y&R? Is this some kind of passive-aggresive message to Francis? No, it’s a fuck-you to CBS.

  —Soap Police: Nathan Parsons is officially exonerated from all his previous acting crimes. Parsons is the only actor — and character — I can actually stand to watch on GH these days. Yep, that’s not saying a lot, I know. And whoever gave the Aussie stud a haircut really needs to get a raise, STAT. Parsons’ is the soap’s hottest actor.

  Meanwhile, head patsy Garin Wolf is being held without bail for not even addressing whether or not Brenda and Sonny are divorced; yet he’s all horned up over nuKate. As the second biggest GH super couple ever, Brenda and Sonny deserved more closure — and Sonny should be mourning the end of his marriage. If it’s easier for Sonny to wake up and realize that this past year in Port Chuck was just a nightmare, I fully endorse that idea. Also, why is GH seemingly recasting everyone in Sonny’s storyline — with the exception of Laura Wright and Steve Burton? More to come….

  —So now Lulu is a drunk just like her father?! GH has dismantled daytime’s premiere super couple family, which should erect major red flags for viewers (teehee; I just said erect!). This is exactly what Chuck Pratt did to AMC. ABC has taken the greatest love story ever told on daytime TV and made that love destroy every single family member in its path (love in the afternoon, huh?): Alcoholic Luke kills his grandson; Lucky is a drug addict and cuckolded by his rival brother; Laura is bat-shit crazy; and now Lulu is a drunken shrew. Nice, GH; really nice.

  —In story 411: Spinelli puts himself out there and pursues Maxie. Or some chick that’s pretending to be her while Kirsten Storms is out sick. Meanwhile, Sonny is really slumming it as he battles Coleman for the affections of faux Kate. Where’s the snooze button?

  Last week’s Creative Rating: D-

 

  One Life To Live, ABC – Best Soap Ever! Forever! Hickland’s back!

  —Hell froze over: Catherine Hickland is back as Lindsay on One Life! The outspoken actress, who went after Brian Frons online and in interviews, tweeted she’ll be back for the finale! Hurray. I pray Andrea Evans and Hickland share a scene together! FYI: Hickland was considered first as a Tina recast back in the day before she was cast as Linds.

  —Will his penis still work? According to Soap Opera Digest, Eddie Alderson is back to work this week at One Lover.

  — Missing Trevor St John? Well, on Nov. 4, St John’s latest film, In The Family is set to open in New York City at Quad Cinemas! Co-starring is Gina Tognoni — you know, the woman he shared zero chemistry with!

  For information on In The Family visit the feature’s website here! For advance tickets to the theatre to see In The Family call 1- 777-Film-#356 or go directly to movietickets.com

  —In story 411: Rex gives up the fortune he blackmailed his father Clint out of this week. Later, Clint and Rex share an emotional moment. But watch out for Cutter, who plans on using “Stacy’s” reappearance against Rex. Speaking of whom, who else thinks that Stacy is actually Gigi? Now that Kim revealed that Stacy and she were in the room where Gigi died… anything is possible. But how many dead characters can head writer Ron Carlivati bring back from the dead? After all, we know Victor is alive. And perhaps Irene, too! They better….

  —Soap Police: Someone needs to arrest Kim Zimmer and Ilene Kristen because these two entertaining divas are so good they’re clearly doing something illegal. Hey, Lifetime: Hook these sistahs up with a new TV sitcom called: Grumpy Soap Divas or some’n, will ‘ya?!

  —Look for Tonya Walker to return as Alex sometime this November. Alex will be involved with Rex and Gigi/Stacy.

  Last week’s Creative Rating: A++++

  The Young and the Restless, CBS — Crap City!

  —Correction: Although I reported that Melody Thomas Scott didn’t take down her framed covers, she did, in fact, completely clear out her entire dressing room. Yikes! Diva wasn’t going to let anyone steal any artwork from her museum.

  —Worried about your job, Y&R stars? Well, if you see that your character will be playing heavy with Michael Muhney, start worrying (unless you’re a part of the cast core)! Muhney has ushered out Stacy Haiduk, Laura Stone, Maura West… and now Eden Riegel. Yep, Adam and Heather will be sharing screen time once again. Let’s pray Y&R pairs Muhney with Julia Pace Mitchell ASAP.

  —In story 411: Apparently all will be made clear as to why Cane is keeping secrets again from the people he claims to love… and hate. This week, Cane’s plot to bring down his father, Colin, intensifies when Jill overhears her former son call someone about a new wrinkle in his or her plan. The person on the other line? Probably Brian Frons. Hopefully, Cane won’t be involved in another umpteenth retcon storyline. Y&R mouthpiece, Scott Hamner, warns Digest: “There is going to be a lot of suspense.” Yeah, I’ll be the judge of that!

  Meanwhile, across town Adam asks Sharon a very important question — a question that could help her get out of jail.

  —Could Blair Redford, who played Lauren’s hair model son, Scotty, be back on the soap? The Lying Game stud tells Soap Opera Weekly he’d consider it if Y&R was interested. No word if the actor was smoking crack at the time of the interview. Maria, listen to me carefully: step away from the phone. Talk about an anti-Sophie’s choice: Maria Bell or Chuck Pratt? Yikes. I’ll take Maria for one-hundred, Alex.

  —You could have seen the adventures of Christel Khalil on Dirty Soap, but Y&R nixed her casting because it doesn’t want any of its actors on the hit reality series. Morons.

  Last week’s Creative Rating: D+

  SOAP WHISPERER:

  This week’s hottest blind items

  —Which recent soap wedding was super awkward when the groom didn’t prepare anything to say and stumbled through the vows? Luckily, the soap bride’s vows were amazing… even if she had to shut up the minister a few times! Hey, at least no one showed up back from the dead, right?

  —Which recently-axed, popular soaper was approached to join Y&R… but couldn’t say yes due to another commitment and a conflict of interest? The actor/actress in question would both surprise you — and please you!

  —Which Emmy-winning vet has already decided to retire next year?

  —Which hated new character isn’t going anywhere because the head writer fashioned the vixen after him or herself?

  IDIOT RATINGS: Oct. 3-7/11

  Winner: DAYS, baby! Reboot me up the ass!

  Losers: G
H sucks ass! Let the best show win, er, my ass!

  Analysis: Is The Chew’s shrinking ratings affecting One Life’s ratings surge?

  Courtesy of SoapOperaNetwork.com

  Numbers are based on Live+Same Day ratings

  (Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)

  Total Viewers


  1. Y&R 4,209,000 (-55,000/-765,000)