Soap Opera Uncensored: Issue 6 (UPDATED) Read online

SOAP OPERA: UNCENSORED

  Volume 1, Issue 6

  BY NELSON BRANCO

  Copyright 2011 Nelson Branco

  INSIDE — Exclusive 2012 Daytime Emmy Awards Changes! Anonymous Reels! Guest Star Category! No More Bloc Voting! Web Acting Set To Be Honoured! Lauralee Bell Exclusive: Would Bill Bell Bring Back Y&R’s Victoria Rowell? Plus: Her Father’s Upcoming Bio! The Current Creative State of Y&R! Beer Guzzling! Web Soaps! Story Shocker: DAYS’s Will Spies EJ and Sami’s Grief Sex! Kimberly McCullough out at GH? Which male GH superstar is out, too? B&B On Location Again! Which Major GH Fan Fave Becomes a Serial Killer? Jonathan Jackson Quits! Is Jake Alive on GH? All My Children Cancelled… Again? Was Gary Tomlin headed to Prospect Park? One Life Cancels Fraternity Row! The Great Eric Braeden Hits Toronto! Is Trevor St. John returning to One Life? Dirty Soap’s Farah Fath on Calling Deidre Hall “A Bitch!” Too Far, Too Fary: Mama Bjorlin Introduces Nadia to a New Man! Fearless November Sweeps Preview! GH’s Ingo Rademacher back? Garin Wolf out; David Kreizman in? Writer Kay Alden temporarily out at B&B! More Brandon Beemer: “Nadia’s Beemer Guzzling is always good for me!” Douglas Marland, who? Learn How To Wreck a Show in 12 Steps or Less! Andrew Trischitta: One Life’s Secret Weapon? Y&R’s New Supercouple: Avery and Sharon?! Last week’s Soap Reviews; Next Week’s Preview Cheat Sheet! And every week: Unbelievable Blind Items!

  UNCENSORED MASTHEAD:

  FOUNDER/EDITOR: Nelson Branco

  EDITOR AT LARGE: Denette Wilford

  Follow Soap Opera Uncensored at: @nelliebranco or @SoapUncensored

  UNCENSORED QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

  “We can neither deny nor confirm…”

  —ABC publicity team’s reaction to news that Jonathan Jackson is leaving GH

  Translation: … what the hell we’re doing.

  “At times I was in the very early part of playing her, and then it started to change a bit as we went forward because I started to make her funny. I know that a lot of my castmates thought it was funny, and I liked it. And honestly, I don’t know how the audience receives it because we are so in a vacuum. It’s very hard to tell. You can use Twitter to try and ask people.  But even that [only] represents a small group of people.”

  —Genie Francis to On Air On Soaps’ Michael Fairman after being asked if she was channelling Helena Cassadine in her early days on Y&R

  Translation: The poor scenery didn’t stand a chance! I was the Casey Anthony of soaps there for a while!

  “But Will loves her more. Let’s just set the record straight on that. Will loves her more… The fact that Will tries so hard to be someone he’s not just to make Gabi happy means that he really, truly loves her, just not in the sexual way.”

  —DAYS’s Chandler Massey, to Fancast’s Sara Bibel, on why Will is with Gabi despite his homosexual urges

  Translation: If he really loved her, he’d dump her so she can find real happiness!

  “Times have changed. The Montague, Capulet thing; it’s like who cares anymore? Our generation just wants to be friends and make love.”

  —DAYS’s Freddie Smith Jr. to Bibel

  Translation: Except for our sexless gay characters!

  “I have never played a gay character before and I am always looking to do something different.  And I knew I was going to have to kiss my [male film co-star]. I knew that was one of the ‘oh-gosh-I-don’t-know-about-that’ moments.”

  —Trevor St. John to On Air On Soaps’ Michael Fairman on playing a gay father in his new film, In The Family

  Translation: Unless you count One Life’s Todd Manning and his obsession with John McBain. That was super gay.

  “I would have to say that who has had the largest effect on the whole planet without us really paying attention across the board and everywhere is the entire banking industry and their disregard for the people that they’re supposed to be working for... So the ways the bankers have kind of toppled the way money is distributed and taken most of it into their hands is as good as Stalin or Hitler and the evil guys... They’re not heroes, but they are people that had a really huge effect on the way the world is operating.”

  —The Chew’s Mario Batali at a Time magazine conference on who should be named 2011’s Person of the Year

  Translation: And that includes my new employer, ABC/Disney. Oh, wait…

  “[Laughs] Yeah, but don’t forget, it took him six years to say, ‘I love you!’ And I don’t think anyone on a soap can claim that record. I’m throwing down the gauntlet. Can anybody top that one?”

  —One Life’s Michael Easton to TV Guide Magazine on taking eight years to procreate on a soap

  Translation: That’s because I’m a vampire. But I’m certain a few gay soap characters can rival my record.

  COVER STORY:

  Lauralee Bell: On Maria, Y&R, Rowell, web soaps and her father’s upcoming biography!

  Lately, it’s an understatement to say watching Y&R can be quite the arduous and frustrating experience. Even when you get paid to watch Canada’s top soap, drawing blood from a stone seems easier. While things are picking up creatively, my cold, evil heart melted a bit when I caught prodigal soaper Lauralee Bell back on the show her father, Bill Bell Sr., created. Every time Bell returns to the show to reclaim what is rightfully hers, she gets me every time — and I’m not exactly sure why. But the ageless web show producer, director, writer, and fashion maven does.

  In an exclusive interview with Uncensored regarding her super-short-term visit, La Bell waxes about my visceral reaction to her onscreen: “I’m sure it’s a reminder of the good ol’ days. It happens to Doug Davidson, too! In those scenes you saw, as Paul, Doug couldn’t stop touching me as if our characters were still married. As a viewer as well, when I see Nina, Michael, Paul and Christine, I love it, too, because there’s so much history there.”

  The hardest part of her latest comeback is “returning so sweet,” the bad girl itching to come out admits. “With Ronan, Christine is always so factual. It’s really hard to be the good girl. At Glo Worm, they asked me in those scenes: do you want iced tea or beer? And I’m like, ‘beer!’ It’s the little things like Christine’s drink of choice that says a lot. Longtime fans, no doubt, said, ‘Wow. Christine’s never drank beer before. What’s her life like now?’”

  Shouldn’t that have been in the script?

  So what comes first: The story or Lauralee? “I really trust Maria, so I never really ask about the storyline. She’ll email me to let me know who I’ll be working with… which is good enough for me. I always try to go back because they’re all my friends. If they can make it quick and tempting, I’m there, especially if I’m not busy. It’s attractive.”

  Next time she returns, Bell needs to ensure Y&R appeases fans with more Christine and Nick scenes. Viewers are still buzzing about Nick and Christine’s smooch a while back. “Nick is certainly playing the field,” laughs Bell. “And Avery’s blond and a lawyer. I would love to work with Joshua Morrow. We’re pals and like working together. Honestly, there isn’t anyone I wouldn’t want to work with on the show. But I agree: I would love to revive Phyllis and Christine’s feud.” Translation: Nick would be the perfect — and most delicious — catalyst.

  Or Ronan, Genoa City’s new sex machine. “After Christine spoke with Ronan, Phyllis popped into his office, so as a viewer, I asked: ‘Wait: did Christine and Phyllis see each other in the hallway? Did they speak? Or brush by each other with venom in their eyes? I think that’s interesting…”

  As for other possible leading men, Bell likes my idea of a Christine and Adam pairing. “Christine does like morally complex men,” concurs Bell. There certainly is a wild child lurking inside Christine’s h
eart. “When my husband, [photographer Scott Martin], found out that Ronan was being sent to D.C., he said, ‘You know Christine is going to be all after Nina’s son!’ I love it…. And love that about Christine [Laughs]!”

  Well, considering Bell never ages (someone check if she’s really human, please!) and could play Eva Longoria’s daughter, let alone rival, it comes as no surprise Christine could fall for anyone on the canvas — without the cougar label.

  “I had to say to Ricky, ‘I haven’t seen you since you were a baby,’” laughs Bell. “And I was like, ‘Wait; how old was I when you were a baby?!’”

  As for enduring those endless old Y&R flashbacks, which she likes to joke haunt her, it’s actually really fun (blinders sold separately). “I know Maria loves me in real life, so I just laugh every time I come back and there’s me either almost dead in the bathtub or Nina and I are wearing those God-awful Rose DeVille wigs!”

  Ah, the good ol’ innocent years… when everything was just young and restless… bold and beautiful.

  Bell nods her head when I remark in hindsight that Eva Longoria wasn’t all that bad on Y&R back in the day. It’s no secret that the Desperate Housewives comedic siren was universally panned by critics for her stint on Y&R, including by yours truly. However, after re-watching her scenes this past week, the Desperate Ex-Soaper wasn’t so bad!

  “She was very nice back then,” recalls Bell. “But she was also very new —and clearly learning on the job. Having said that, I agree after watching those scenes I was like, ‘She held her own, especially when she walked into Paul’s office, which were literally her first scenes on the show.”

  As for how Christine can be OK with BFF Nina and ex-hubby Paul’s romance, Bell simply offers: “I know what you mean… but I think she’s in a very conceited mindset: it’s OK, because she doesn’t live in Genoa City. But if she was, Paul would be hers! [Laughs] I know that’s horrible to say, because she really does love Nina, but Christine is very into power… whether it’s work or men. She would definitely orchestrate a romance if she were there, for sure. It would be hysterical if Nina and Christine had sex, too! We always call each other ‘breast friends,’ as I told you during our last interview, and we’re always hugging… a lot!”

  Paging Crystal Chappell.

  But Christine’s too busy bringing sexual harassment charges against embattled presidential hopeful Herman Cain. C’mon, fans: You know Christine’s up to trouble in Washington.

  As for Bell-issima revisiting the controversial — and brave — marital rape storyline between Christine and Paul, she sighs: “We were straddling a very fine line back then, especially since they were married. Unless there was some new proven beat to play, it’s just too hard to revisit, I think. It was a very bizarre storyline for our usually conservative show to tell back then.”

  Coming back to the set was weird because “Jeanne [Cooper] wasn’t there. I thought she’d get better by the time I arrived, but I have to say, I’m so proud of her because the show always comes first for her. It was very unlike her to put herself