Nelson Branco's SOAP OPERA UNCENSORED: Issue 53 Read online

resurrected Nurses’ Ball! Can’t wait. Herring was one of the biggest stars in daytime and the fact that GH never welcomed her back in a full-time capacity just shows you how inept ABC Daytime and the show’s former showrunners really were.

  • Did Roger Howarth fans go ballistic when Kassie DePaiva was sleeping with anyone with three legs on ONE LIFE while he was off the show for 8 years and starring on AS THE WORLD TURNS? Nope. So why are fans freaking out because Todd, a healthy male adult was fondling Carly Jax last week? The man hasn’t had sex in months. Show me a man who wouldn’t enjoy his sexuality — especially when he’s single. Sex doesn’t equal love. It is possible to separate the two. This Victorian idea that true loves can only have sex with each other is not only antiquated but also offensive. Sex is just sex. I hate when other people dictate what happens in other people’s bedrooms — even when it comes to a fictional character. And the kicker? Carly and Todd didn’t “do it!” Is Romney running this campaign? Personally, I think Carly and Todd deserve each other and Blair warrants a man who doesn’t rape, kill and steal so I completely endorse Carly and Todd. (However, while I prefer them as friends; I do appreciate Ron Carlivati’s natural slow build with this couple regardless of the final outcome). Just my opinion.

  • If Hell freezes over tomorrow and Mitt Romney wins the coveted U.S. Presidential election, it’d be like ABC firing head writer Ron Carlivati just as the show is gaining creative and financial momentum after an arduous journey of getting back to basics… and re-hiring Chuck Pratt. Just sayin’.

  • SOAPnet will be serving up a five-episode GH marathon on Thanksgiving, the cable channel announced Monday. SOAPnet kicks off the GH marathon at 7 pm EST on Nov. 22 with the 1995 episode in which Lucy discovers her duck Sigmund is missing. Oh, Sigmund!

  THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, GLOBAL/CBS — Paul.. and Christine? Yep!

  • More proof Maria Arena Bell was an out-of-control and insecure megalomaniac? During numerous interviews with Lauralee Bell, the daughter of William Bell stressed to me it was her decision to film short-term arc stories so she could focus on other projects and was not interested in any kind of long-term stay whatsoever.

  Now that MAB has left the building (bad choice of words since the showrunner was rarely spotted in the studio!), Josh Griffith and Jill Farren Phelps have asked Bell to say — and she’s agreed!

  In a new interview with Michael Logan of TV GUIDE, Bell says, “I wasn't supposed to remain on the show. I don't know exactly how Maria was going to end [the Phyllis trial storyline] but I do know she planned to have Christine and Danny leave town together. Josh and Jill stopped me in the hall and said, ‘We're thinking about not having you leave. Is that okay with you?’ I thought that was so nice! A really lovely gesture.”

  Yikes! Who needs enemies when you have a hack sister-in-law!

  As for being written out of Y&R once again and more than likely never returning thanks to Maria, Bell recalls, “I didn't try to push it. I figured I'd just let the cards fall, wherever, however.”

  In the article, La Bell reveals that Paul and Christine kiss and will more than likely reunite despite the fact that Cricket is back with her 80s true love Danny and Paul is shacking up with Christine’s BFF, Nina.

  Is there any weirdness now that Laurallee has remained on the show and Maria is out? She says, “It's only been wonderful at work. Totally cool, no weirdness. I think some people may have perceived it as some sort of hostile takeover and it wasn't. The transition was really smooth. Jill and Josh are fantastic people and I really respect them both. It's all good.

  Translation: My sister-in-law is a delusional bitch and I’m thrilled someone is protecting my father’s legacy!

  • According to SOAP OPERA DIGEST, Michael Graziadei is expected to exit Y&R at the end of the year. As previously reported, “Graz,” as he’s known by friends, was always planning to leave the series when his contract expired. The magazine reports that his character Daniel has been absent in upcoming scripts so don’t expect a big send-off storyline for the popular actor.

  • A second GH actor has been added to the Y&R canvas: On the heels of Ignacio Serricchio joining the show as a New York City cop, recurring Port Chuck bartender Blake Gibbons begins airing on Nov. 8 as Eddie Graham, a man reportedly set to kidnap Victoria.

  • Welcome back, Jess Walton! What a sight for sore (SORAS?) eyes. Victoria Rowell got one thing right during her most recent Twitter rant: Walton should’ve been a movie star. While I admit it did take some time for me to appreciate, understand and revere Jess Walton’s myriad talents, charms, and magical spells when I first caught her on the now-defunct soap CAPITAL, I will agree with the cray-cray African-American actress. However, I would also argue that La Walton has been better served working in the soap opera medium. While her comeback storyline isn’t the greatest thing that has ever aired, I couldn’t help but get a little emotional at the sight of the Emmy winner. I don't know why, but she gets to me. She makes me believe, imagine, crave, and cringe all at the same time! And I don’t say that about a lot of actors in any genre. Walton needs to be back on the show full time — and that’s a fact. Can we make that happen?

  Uncensored Series

  TOP TEN WAYS TO REBOOT… GH

  GH is firing on all cylinders (finally!)… but it’s still fun to play armchair showrunner for ABC’s lone soap opera. Below are my suggestions for the comeback sudser to consider:

  10. Bring back Vanessa Marcil and kill off Kelly Sullivan. Literally.

  9. Re-hire Antonio Sabato Jr. so he’ll shut the fuck up on Twitter and stop asking to work for free.

  8. Hire Matthew Ashford to steal Kristina Wagner away from John J. York.

  7. Bring back Genie Francis as the person responsible for bringing back Duke just to throw everyone off.

  6. Ask ABC for an increased budget because you deserve it.

  5. Don’t allow Cartini to select the show’s Emmy reels. FOR. THE. LOVE. OF. GOD.

  4. David Hayward as played by Vincent Irizarry needs to be hired as the mastermind of all this back-from-the-dead madness. Maybe Alan is straddling between death and life?

  3. Give Nancy Lee Grahn’s boobs a vacation.

  2. Break up Starr and Michael, STAT. Pair Starr and Johnny; Michael and Lucas.

  1. Bring back Trevor St. John to wrap up the Todd-Victor storyline once and for good — and reveal Victor and Tea’s son is alive.

  The List

  THE TOP TEN BEST-SELLING UNCENSORED ISSUES

  What a year! Thanks to all SOU’s subscribers and readers for making daytime’s first e-zine a hit!

  1. Premiere Issue: Crystal Chappell

  2. 2012 DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS RECAP

  3. Inside Maria Arena Bell’s Y&R Firing

  4. My Response To Eric Braeden’s Attack on Moi

  5. ONE LIFE’s Final Week: Trevor St. John Interview

  6. Y&R’s Sharon Case Responds to Eric Braeden

  7. Nadia Bjorlin on DIRTY SOAP, DAYS and Fary

  8. B&B’s Patrick Mulcahey Interview

  —tie — Trevor St. John’s GH Interview

  10. Sexiest Man Alive: Y&R’s Joshua Morrow

  —tie — Sexiest Couple Alive: Y&R’s Michael Muhney and Sharon Case

  Soap Discourse

  WHAT I LEARNED FROM DALLAS: THE ORIGINAL

  10. That you cannot put a price on featuring a family breakfast or dinner in each episode.

  9. In 1978, DALLAS was talking about feminism, oil/greed, and homosexuality in a frank, realistic way — and no one is doing that today as America is still grappling with these issues.

  8. I never realized what a phenomenal actress and an original beauty Victoria Principal was. (Is?)

  7. Miss Ellie is a freakin’ douchebag.

  6. I finally understood why Charlene Tilton was a tabloid star. She has to be the birthmother of Marcy Rylan, right? This is a breakthrough role much like Brad Pitt’s in THELMA AND LOUISE.

  5. Ken Kercheval could really act at one p
oint.

  4. John Ross could be Cliff’s son…. Like, today!

  3. Linda Grey went from the most despised character on the show to the heart and soul of the show up until the new reboot.

  2. Larry Hagman is the shit. Fuck off, Victor Newman.

  1. Patrick Duiffy is the best soap hero to ever exist: Smart, sexy, funny, witty, no one’s fool, and a true romantic. I had an A-ha moment watching Duffy — who ironically went on to play one of my favourite soap actress, Katherine Kelly Lang, and character, Brooke Logan’s father, Stephen Logan on B&B —reminding me why I named my first puppy “Bobby” at the young age of 5 because of Bobby Ewing. Everyone should strive to be a Bobby.

  Shhh!

  SOAP OPERA MYSTERY HOUR

  This week’s hottest blind item!

  • Which popular actress requested to return to the soap that made her a superstar but was turned down? No, it’s not Victoria Rowell.

  New And Improved!

  SOAP PORN: Next Week's Soapgasms

  Can’t watch all the soaps this week? No worries — here’s a cheat sheet!

  TOPS OF THE TOP:

  Top Soap: THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL

  Top Soap Actor: Stuart Damon, GH

  Top Soap Actress: Heather Tom, B&B

  Top Soap Couple: Jill and Katherine, Y&R

  Top Tweeter: Greg Rikaart, Y&R

  THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL

  Top Actor: Don Diamont

  Top Actress: Heather Tom

  Episode To Watch: Katie refuses to accept the psychological diagnosis Taylor