Soap Opera Uncensored: Issue 33 Read online

MARIA ARENA BELL, THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS

  Assets: Her husband, Bill, is her boss; won the Daytime Emmy for Best Writing last year; bringing back Lauralee Bell when the show needs that hit of nostalgia; finally updated the opening credits.

  Liabilities: Losing one million viewers in one year; refuses to listen to fans; continues to hire Hollywood D-listers in throwaway parts; obsessed with transplanting AMC, P&G soap stars on her show; ignores beloved and talented vets like Jess Walton; rehires the most hated actress on daytime, Yvonne Zima, over and over again; overSORAS-ing legacy characters; allows Eric Braeden to eat the show alive; hasn’t fired co-head writers Hogan Sheffer and Scott Hamner yet; absent on set a lot as she focuses on her MOMA and socialite part-time jobs; can’t effectively manage pay-cut negotiations;

  Future Outlook: Suicidal.

  9. CRYSTAL CHAPPELL, B&B/VENICE/THE GROVE

  Assets: Triumphantly returned to daytime as another gay character, Dani, on B&B; creating a new web soap, THE GROVE, full of ex-soapers; VENICE: Season Four is going strong; won the Daytime Emmy Award for VENICE last year; is nominated for a 2012 Daytime Emmy Award for the first time as DAYS’s Carly, a part she was fired from last year. Yep, what a difference a year makes.

  Liabilities: It’s too bad about her looks!

  Future Outlook: Rainbow and puppies!

  10. CHANDLER MASSEY, DAYS OF OUR LIVES

  Assets: Recently helped win DAYS the GLAAD Award for Outstanding Daytime Serial; the newcomer is single-handedly stealing the soap opera; stars in daytime’s best storyline; has a slew of moonlighting projects including a couple of indie films; nominated for his second Daytime Emmy Award as Outstanding Younger Actor; garnering mainstream features, headlines and attention. Oh, and he’s not so bad to look at, either.

  Liabilities: DAYS is fickle with story commitment and with recent ratings woes, show runner Ken Corday could easily un-gay Will or change story direction with the popular character. Luckily, gay advocate Lorraine Broderick and gay producer Gary Tomlin are now helming DAYS.

  Future Outlook: It’s Chandler’s world… we’re just lucky to live in it.

  —tie— JOANNA JOHNSON, THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL

  Assets: Successfully returned to the soap opera that made her an international superstar as Karen; came out of the closet just as her character admitted she was a lesbian on B&B; shares believable, infectious chemistry opposite co-star Crystal Chappell; she’s a successful prime-time and film producer; she’s never looked more beautiful or acted more confidently.

  Liabilities: The last time CBS told a lesbian storyline…

  Future Outlook: Bold and beautiful.

   

  EMMY HANDICAPPING

  WHO WILL, SHOULD WIN DAYTIME’S GOLDEN BITCH?

  UNCENSORED analyzes all the Emmy reels!

  Code Blue: Last year’s worst soap opera, GH, will win in every category — with the exception of Younger Actress — thanks to the only handful of excellent episodes the ABC sudser aired last year. Read below to find out why:

  BEST DRAMA SERIES

  Last year’s best soap operas, ONE LIFE TO LIVE and BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL, were not nominated so I don’t really care who takes this prize home. No wonder NATAS is ending this year’s ceremony with the Best Morning Show Award (though with only two nominees, the “show-stopping” award won’t be a nail-biter or anything to write home about).

  While AMC’s final two episodes are the race’s best and most well-rounded submissions, GH will not lose its 11th Emmy win, thanks to Luke’s intervention and Jake’s death (which practically every nominee submitted, which should bode well in the final wins overall). After all, I’ve seen GH win Best Drama with lesser material against stiffer competition. Plus: I believe the industry threw their support to a show on the brink of cancellation earlier this year, which is why the gold standard, ONE LIFE, was unfairly and unforgivably snubbed despite its mediocre submissions.

  DAYS and Y&R? E!’s DIRTY SOAP stands a better chance at winning best soap. Of course, the irony here is ONE LIFE’s showrunners, Frank Valentini and Ron Carlivati, who weren’t nominated for their show, are now helming GH and saved it from cancellation; and if GH wins, the fired honchos, who helped run the show into the ground, will pick up their umpteenth statues. Moreover, it’s clear the business didn’t want Brad Bell to break the industry record this year by nominating him (if he had been nominated and won, he’d have been the first showrunner to win four consecutive Best Drama wins).

  Oh, the drama…

  BEST WRITING

  See above. Though, the industry may reward the mother of the genre, Agnes Nixon, with the writing award to acknowledge her career and AMC’s unforgivable axing — but that means all the hack writers who wrote the show last year will be rewarded, too. (Nixon, along with Lorraine Broderick, only returned to pen the soap’s final shows in its final hours.)

  BEST DIRECTING

  Although snubbed in Series and Writing, ONE LIFE earned a nomination for best directing. The show’s entry, Erika Slezak’s 40th anniversary tribute, was less stellar than GH’s intervention submission, which was very UNCLE VANYA. B&B was also recognized in this category for its foster care storyline, which was shot on location, but it’s GH’s to lose especially considering this is the venerable ABC sudser’s first directing reel without the bells and whistles (read: bullets and blood) they usually require to take home Best Directing.

  OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS

  As always, this is a (very beautiful) horse race. The competition changed drastically after several pre-nominees changed their reels for final judging.

  Most notably, Ms. Slezak made a costly error by switching her pre-Emmy nom reel (Viki finding her husband Charlie and her nemesis, Echo, in bed culminating with Slezak slapping Kim Zimmer) to the veteran’s 40th anniversary episode where Viki encountered all of her multiple personality alters. Yes, the Emmys love multiple roles — and Erika winning six Emmys in this category single-handedly proves why — but it was an outlandish and, dare I say it, horrifyingly over-the-top performance with equally disappointing, clichéd writing. One Emmy voter, who is new to the industry, told me: “She has six Emmys?! How’d that happen?” Out of context, I can see why voters would think Slezak’s reel was a SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE spoof and not one of daytime’s most stellar acting moments. However, this is Slezak — and the industry could see the poetic beauty of honouring daytime’s best actors, Slezak and Geary, in the same year especially since ONE LIFE TO LIVE was cancelled. If ONE LIFE will get any gold on June 23, it will be Slezak.

  Before this round of judging, I was certain B&B’s Heather Tom — who has earned two Younger Actress trophies and one Supporting Actress Emmy for her roles on Y&R and B&B, respectively — would win the most coveted trophy at the Day Emmys. If she wins this year, Tom will be the first performer in history to win all three acting categories (I always thought AMC’s Michael Knight would be the first). Unfortunately, Tom changed gears. What I don’t understand — since B&B is allowed to submit two episodes, because it’s a half-hour sudser — is why she didn’t include her pre-Emmy reel episode; which earned her a high ranking in this competition early on, in addition to the show where her character, who is a heart transplant patient, survived a heart attack while her marriage was falling apart.

  Instead, Ms. Tom submitted two back-to-back post-heart attack episodes instead of a fierce, on-point confrontation with her husband Bill over his emotional affair with Steffy before her romantic organ gave out. Her final Emmy reel was super-boring and repetitive; however, her pre-nom reel was assaulting — both acted extremely well, but the change in tone may cost Tom this potentially historic win. Her reels also had so much expository dialogue that voters will tune out fast. However, she could still take this race because two voters told me they rated her number-one.

  The winner? I think it will be Laura Wright, last year’s winner as Outstanding Lead Actress. She won on her first nomination (after decades of failing to earn a nod for her
myriad soap roles). I’m the only critic to predict Wright will win, but the Academy loves to honour overlooked performers who finally win consecutively (WORLD TURNS’ Michael Park being the most recent; I call it the Tom Hanks Effect); and Wright’s reel was by far the most non-soapy reel — and voters love that kind of acting. Wright delivered all the right moves without relying on over-the-top histrionics and dehydration tactics.

  In story, Carly begged her best friend Jason to donate his dead child Jake’s organs to save her own daughter Josslyn. It was harrowingly gripping yet quietly compelling at the same time but never out of control. Wright’s reel last year pales in comparison to this year’s — and the business will see the growth in Wright’s acting and they’re all suckers for artistic progress. A couple of voters placed Wright as number two, but I’m taking a chance that Wright won this bitch once again. And if she does, she’ll be two for two. Not bad for a former hair model (a term I use for actors who can’t act).

  Superstar and soap icon Crystal Chappell’s reel as Carly was sobering and intoxicating as her drugged-out character detoxed in a series of quickly edited, uncomfortable scenes without much dialogue ripped from a Dr. Drew episode. Think NURSE JACKIE but on a